My words seek asylum from the prison inside my heart, long held
hostage in her hostile takeover. The collateral damage dripping from the walls
of my life, for I was far too late in my raising of them, and now all I can do,
is wash them, waiting for either death or my escape. When she returns, her
words, like a sharp knife plunge deeply, carving me with considerable precision,
each verb, trained to torment, each adjective aimed to kill. She is a master of
changing the shape of my will, at will. The world knows not where I am nor if I
breath at all. She was so sweet as she explained how each friend, brothers and
sisters didn’t know my worth, her placement of the wedges I willingly drove
sent them all away, and now, I see so clearly.
It was about a month ago when she didn’t return, the house cold
and dark was silent and the eyes to my frozen soul opened reluctantly as I
rose, yet never awake. A few days went past, and I grew braver, I dared to look
out the darkened windows and saw the sun shining brightly just beyond where I was
allowed to be. After a week, I opened the door and covered my eyes from the brilliant
sky, the warmth caressing my face and arms, and I stepped out. I left the door
ajar in case she was testing me again, but she did not appear. So, I took a
step, and another, almost falling over from the giddiness of impending freedoms,
another step, then another………..
It's been a while since I've been comfortable being out in public, mostly from the fear she will find me again. Slowly through my sisters love and help I've been learning about the poison I had drank, not in a liquid form, but from her hideous doses of verbiage. Today as bask in the sunlight, her words have begun to lose their grip and I understand once again of the power of language, much like every word of this unlived tall tale. But there are many that have lived such injustice and I am learning of their pain, hoping somehow, to help them find themselves again. May they find peace.
2 comments:
I really felt this Scott! Words have so much more power than people realize. They can hurt and give wounds that last a lifetime, and of course they can uplift us to beautiful places too! I also think that gentle souls feel everything in such a deep way. It is glorious in the beauty of love and devastating in the hurt of it. It is no wonder so many songs are written about love. It is what propels us forward, it can knock us off our feet, and it can weigh us down with hurt we cannot forget. I am not sure how much of this is true to life or a story within you, but if it is true....well I cannot imagine how someone could hurt you that way. You are one of the sweetest and amazing friends I have every met.
Thank you, Carrie, you too kind. Love and love lost is definitely an excellent motivator in expression. While I have been verbally beaten, never to the extent of this story, the vibe is actually unknown to me. Allowing myself to fall into this rabbit hole is a blessing if it ever finds a soul suffering from the pain penned.
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