Somewhere between safety and distraction the chisel pushed through the soft wood and ricocheted off the first three fingers of my left hand. Blood appeared quickly and began to cascade down into the palm of my hand. I called myself the appropriate disparaging names and I headed towards water. At first the stinging was sharp but watching the flow of my own blood spill to the bottom of the sink caused a visual that over road the pain.
Now, with the first finger deeply gashed, the exiting blood made the middle and ring fingers look like a winning Halloween display. I none the less didn’t feel festive.
The better half was notified of the wounds and sprang into nurse mode. With all kinds of notions, leeches and witch doctory she plugged the leaks and deemed me “stable”.
Once the gore was contained we headed out back, where we had set up a pumpkin carving table that Martha Stewart herself would have approved with vigor. Set in the garage and directly in front of a roaring fire my nurse began to fashion her first work of art. I sat, and attempted to work the small pumpkin saws, sharp knifes, and other implements. All designed to aid in the of transforming of a harmless vegetable into a receptacle for an open flame. Beacons to tomorrow’s children dressed in slightly flame retarded costumes scurrying towards these “x” marks the spot faces. I quickly discovered that the three bandaged left fingers were a requirement in the proper operation of those conventional tools of the trade.
It was once said that “necessity is the mother of invention”, and it wasn’t long until I found myself using a hand saw to separate my tall thin “canvas” into two pieces. Then, using my Binford 18 volt cordless drill I punched through its thick walls with two eyes, set very narrowly apart each one half inch wide. I then followed with the nose, three small ¼ inch holes and then a one-inch mouth. All round, perfect holes giving him a wonderful personality. If I was to guess I’d say I had made as close to a Mr. Bill face as possible. I placed a candle inside him and lit it. My Nurse switched the light off and we laughed at the silliness of this pumpkin. My next pumpkin would be more of a challenge, and cracking it open would take some thought. An OSHA approved light bulb thought over my head soon appeared. I utilized my Bindford Saws All on this bad boy, ripping large thin slits for eyes and then drilling 2 small quarter inch holes upwards for his nose. The mouth was made using the ¼ inch bit as a router, and when I was finished, candle lit, lights out, the very clear image of ET smiled at us.
So boys and girls, when you view my pumpkins this year, laugh and cheer, just notice they will be closest to the house, in the handicapped zone.
I promise pictures tomorrow!
